So last week was a challenge, finding childcare was way harder then It should have been to allow me to go to work. Over quite a few years now I’ve received a lot of help and support from my mum to help look after the kids, firstly Shamaya, then Amzah, then Mini Muffin.. As each left the security of private nursery’s which offers childcare 51 weeks of the year. School nursery’s offer only 39 weeks offering only term-time care so with that, the stress began.
For the past few years I’d get really worried about how I’d cope throughout the holidays with childcare, often starting with the boys dad who more than likely would say no, because he would be working and would refuse to change his shifts around to help look after his kids. (He works agency so chooses his own days)
So, I’d find myself relying on my family for help, My mum, my stepdad, my brother and his girlfriend, my sister…. All people I felt and still feel like I’m being a burden on by asking for soo much support.
For 3 weeks over this Summer holiday my sister and step dad will be helping me. My sister doing Mondays and my step dad doing Wednesdays and Thursdays. I feel an immense sense of guilt lately by having to rely on him in particular as he works in a school so this is the only time he gets off for himself and I’ve lumbered him with my kids. It’s even worse that right now the boys dad is in some European country as I write this, getting wasted while others are left to care for his kids.
I tried to find a summer school but once I found one that was appropriate, they asked for all the money upfront which worked out to be over £900 for all 3 children which I hadn’t the money available to pay in such a way as we are off on holiday in 2 weeks.
I can admit, I would rather pay someone to look after my kids then go through the stress of asking family for help”
It’s nothing to do with them but more the Uncomfortability that comes with it as I know it can also be an inconvenience to them, and that makes me feel awful.
What’s even worse is I feel as though Im mentally rushing them growing up so I can get past the stage that I even need to ask for help. Each birthday that comes, a thought crosses my mind that they are a step closer to independence.
With my eldest being 11 now and heading off to secondary school I’ve been questioned on numerous occasions about letting her watch the boys whilst I’m at work. This seems to be something that happens often where we live, but I honestly don’t agree with it nor think she’s ready for such a responsibility.
She’s a child not a mother.
So this past week went well once I’d figured out who would have the kids for me. I think because my anxiety is pretty crappy at the moment everything is being Catastrophized in my head to be worse then it actually is.
Or maybe the reality is that it isn’t great full stop, never has been ideal and I absolutely hate asking family for help.
Counting down the years..
What do you all do with the kids during the holidays?
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