Loosing the fight for love….

I guess today has been a range of emotions….

I received a message from a guy I was hanging out with……., I guess he drank the truth serum, because I received an essay of honesty.

He’s still sleeping with his ex!!!! (mother of his child) .

It wasn’t easy for me to respond, I wasn’t immediately sad, or hurt, I guess I was just disappointed. Like I said, we were hanging out, nothing serious. I liked him…..

I’m not upset because of him, or his message, I’m upset because theres a part of me that is loosing hope and faith that there might actually be a decent man out there. Here I am thinking that i’m fighting the good fight for love but I keep on getting wounded. I keep kissing frogs! I keep losing in the name of love.

If there’s anything I’ve taken from this experience and all my other relationships…. It’s that not everyone wins in Love. Its great to do well in other aspects of your life but the one aspect that really holds true value is the area you can’t seem to be successful in.

Depression would make me say it's me and not them, but 
my heart tells me it's them and not me......

I decided to be cool and wish him the best with his Ex, no anger, no malicious responses. I just wished him well. I figured…. If i’m going to be true to who I am, I cant allow him to see me sad. After all, it changes nothing. In fact if anything he felt even better about himself, told me i’m cool and thanked me for understanding. Such a bittersweet feeling to be the bigger person, when your heartaches. I always seem to have to be the bigger person despite the fact I’m the one getting hurt….

I could have unleashed the anger and hurt that every man has selfishly bestowed upon me, in a bid to clear my unhealthy feelings…..

Do you know whats equally as tragic as it is graceful? Is that I never responded with anger, I never responded with anger because I wasn’t surprised. He behaved like every other man I’ve encountered, I expected nothing less.

The sad thing is that I expected nothing which means that with each encounter………I’m loosing faith……….

-L xx

2 Comments Add yours

  1. cindy knoke says:

    I am so sorry, so difficult, but hold on to faith, you are worth only the very best, and they take longer to find.


  2. Elizabeth says:

    I wish you had a trustworthy partner right now. I pray that one comes into your life.


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