I remember the moment I decided to start a blog, I was laying down in bed breastfeeding Mini Muffin and feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness. Here I lay with this beautiful little boy but all these emotions running through.
So I started my blog to jot all my feelings down, and to be honest it was my own form of therapy, my own way to express my feelings and make sense of my life. I’d always been writing from as long as I can remember and thought of myself as a bit of a poet….I had tons of material just sitting there so I’m thought I’d start with that. Post some old personal things that obviously no one would read right? Wrong!!!
So my blog picked up pretty quickly and the views came rolling in…..but never did I expect my post to be read by anyone I had written about, especially as this was what I considered my therapy and by posting it I felt like I was letting it go.
So, anyway, I get contacted years later about a post I had put up. I’m not gonna lie, that shook me to the core. My level of irritation was so high and honestly it gave me a major knock. I mean imagine you try to express yourself, you try to make sense of something bad that has happened to you and even though it was written quite some time ago, you finally find the confidence to post it and then the individual who caused you that pain contacts you back and in a nutshell says: “Hey, Hey…….I didn’t like what you wrote!, let me remind you of how it went down” I mean it went as far as me having trolls on my blog, and apparently I was crazy and butt-hurt. (Shout out to my loyal followers who hit back! May require your services again 😏🤦🏽♀️)
Now, the crazy part……absolutely! We all know I’m cray cray. 😂😂😂
But the butt-hurt part…..Well no! This was me letting it go……..not me going out of my way to be contacted by the individual. I mean heck, I was actually kinda embarrassed. The thing with writing is it’s always open to interpretation and the writer has the power to either tell all, tell parts, talk coded or magnify the story.
The worst part was…..because I write from experience I don’t magnify a thing. I write exactly what I feel at the time and I allow the emotions to flow onto the page. Which means if I post an old piece it may not reflect my emotions right this second but will give insight to feelings I once felt.
It’s funny how something so deeply personal is ok to read by hundreds and thousands of people online but when the individual you are writing about reads it……well the world just crumbled. The day just got dark!
I wish I could say it’s the only time I’ve caused offence, I mean seriously the things that seem to cause an issue are interpreted so badly that half the time that I myself am left dumbfounded and confused. Like how does 2+2 equal 245 please?
So that gives a little insight into my lack of blogging over the past couple years. Let’s call it Bloggers Anxiety. 😭
Sometimes I wish I could turn the clock back to the days when I enjoyed writing, I wrote for myself and didn’t care who read it. But now I’m faced with this weird anxiety of blogging and being faced with trolling comments. I suppose it’s the internet and maybe that comes with the territory of blogging.
I dunno- maybe I’m not cut out for the internet life?
Hopefully, I’ll find the strength to post like I use to. I quite liked the anxiety free writer I was.
Until Next Time