I’m Exhausted and it’s making me ill

I think I’m exhausted, truth be told, I think I fed up of routine.

  • Get up.
  • Get the kids up
  • Get kids washed/dressed
  • Get myself washed/dressed
  • Do the school run
  • Rush to work
  • Work all day (3 days in hospital other days on the business)
  • Finish late
  • Beg the kids dad to collect them (he won’t)
  • Rush to collect the kids ( anxious and exhausted)
  • Get home
  • Cook dinner
  • Clean up
  • Finish work I didn’t finish at work
  • Feed kids
  • Put them to bed
  • Fall asleep watching Netflix
  • Wake up at 3:20am like clockwork for NO REASON
  • Fall asleep at 6am only to be sucker punched out of my sleep by 7am with that bloody alarm

This is the reality of what single motherhood looks like for me. Everyday without fail it happens in this order and my gosh I’m tired. Usually I complain and rant about it but it’s such a common situation it’s almost pointless discussing.

There are single mothers across the globe, what makes me any different? Surely I should just suck it up and get on with things right? Well no.. not this time, for the first time of 11 years of motherhood this pattern is making me ill..

For the past month I’ve been suffering from high blood pressure. I got a little unwell and from that point on my blood pressure never went back down. I’m now at the point of being constantly tired with a raging headache and an aching body. I’ve seen doctors and been sent for a number of tests and I haven’t told anyone but I’m really scared. Probably the most scared I’ve been in my life, for my life. Death is never something that I’ve been afraid of but right now I just want to live.

I want to go to my kids homes when they’re older and have a bunch of grandkids. The thought that this is serious enough that it could prevent that scares the hell out of me.

Imagine, all I’ve done since 16 is work and be a mum. Some of the decisions I made 10 years ago were based on plans I had for when I hit 50. So to have a doctor tell me that I might have a stroke or heart attack before I reach 48 has devastated me.

Maybe she should have checked that little alert on her screen that pops up to tell them I suffer with anxiety before she said that!

You know, I’m sick and tired of the helpful unhelpful advice such as …

Exercise more: Ok I’m on my feet all day, I try to work out at home but tend to fall asleep. I’m so exhausted from work!

Eat healthy: I’m a single mother with 3 kids who cooks 6 meals a week all including vegetables. I do the best I can on the budget I have.

Reduce stress: Please, my routine sits under the word stress in the dictionary.

I wish I had more to say or a positive outlook to end with but to be honest I just needed a rant.

I stumbled on the picture above on Facebook and thought I’d use it as it pretty much sums up single motherhood in a way in which resonates with me.

Until Next Time

L

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