The Wait: Celibacy

Now, I’ve been avoiding talking about this for a long time, mainly because I honestly felt I wasn’t strong enough to make this declaration. But you know what, I’m doing it.

Guys! I’m celibate, I’m not perfect and my gosh it’s hard but I’m trying. I’ll be honest, after another failed relationship I felt it was time I really started to appreciate my worth, now what a better way to do it then not having sex.

Now this is just my opinion and really revolves around my own experience but I feel that in my case: If you have had more of a troublesome past or in a case where choices have been taken from you, you use sex a tool, a form of power. You end up with more sexual partners, and what once felt good and feels like your in control, starts to spiral out of control and I personally end up broken hearted and depressed.

I had to do a lot of self-reflection about what was causing these relationship failures it’s easier to blame men and trust me my ex’s played major roles. BUT; what did I do to contribute to these failures.

Again, using sex as almost a numbing tool, “As long as someone loves me, I’ll be ok” little did I know or pay much attention to the difference between Lust and Love.

I absolutely loved having a family, someone to come home to, cook with and build memories, but there were underlying issues:

PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Just another diagnosis to add to the pot, It took over 2 years to even watch a wedding show on tv after my failed engagement. I mistakenly walked right into another relationship with all these fears of commitment and needless to say, it failed. I was still carrying far too much baggage from previous encounters and my biggest fears became my reality.

It was a process, I changed my number, tried to find myself and did something even I would say was drastic.

I went on Tinder, (read my Tinder date gone wrong 😂) i used it more as a tool, I was never use to having people in my life for a season and struggled when they left. So I made it my business to date, make that decision whether someone was worth my time and energy and who would be able to remain interested in me without SEX.

Result: Not one!

Back to celibacy, So I figured, If no one sees my worth and value then I must concentrate on myself. I must see my worth and not use SEX as a way to entice a man to be with me.

“Relationships don’t have to revolve around sex”

I think self reflection is key to progression and I needed to acknowledge that having sex was restricting me from finding true happiness. So I stopped. Reluctantly…..

I started reading my Bible again and started praying, genuinely praying to help me heal from issues I believed were over but carried a invisible cloud above my head.

Now, I am Christian but me choosing to become celibate was more about me than God. It was actually because it’s something I’ve never tried and by my standards I’ve failed with everything thing else so why not try something different?

“Sexual gratification is no fun (for me) without love”

So for however long it takes I’m going to write my thoughts and feelings about this journey on here until I make it to Marriage.

Wish me Luck!

If anyone here has waited until marriage or attempted waiting after previously being sexually active. What was your experiences and I would love to know…Was it worth the Wait?

With Love x

13 thoughts on “The Wait: Celibacy

  1. I was celibate till I got married and that decision helped me. When you are celibate it makes you see clearly and you are able to make the sound decisions based on how you see your worth.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for commenting! When you met your husband was marriage immediately on the cards? I guess I ask because when you take this path and meet someone you never know how long your going to be celibate for (a woman doesn’t propose) and I’m sure you remember..a celibate relationship is very restricted can almost feel like your a teenager again. It’s hard not to rush things…..

      Like

      1. When I met him I didn’t even think I would date him talk less of marriage. As we got to know each other, he came most times to visit since I lived with my parents. We dated for three years. So for you, you meet someone, you get to know this person, go out on dates, ask questions. If it leads to marriage fine and if it doesn’t you move on with life. it is much easier to move on from a broken relationship when you haven’t had sex.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Great post, and well done for sharing something so personal!
    I was raised as a devout Jehovah’s witness so growing up until I met my ex husband I had never had any sexual encounter with any man. I was so proud that i had saved myself for the man I married and had two children. However 9 years down the line he cheated on me…. it doesn’t always end in fairytales, but its great that you have chosen to do so on your route to self discovery and I wish you all the best hun!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s