Today is another one of my honest posts regarding my reasons for not often inviting friends and family to my home.
This post is for entertainment purposes, it is not in place to cause offence to my loved ones or friends I may meet in the future. Some points may have been slightly exaggerated… Happy reading and I hope it’s a good laugh..
They say honestly is the best policy! Now don’t get me wrong…. I love my friends and family but I don’t necessarily like my friends and family in my house.
1. I don’t want to have to clean up for you
Now I’m not saying my house is a mess but c’mon, whenever you have a visior you naturally spruce up the house pending their arrival. Wipe down the sofa’s, clean the poop stains off the toilet bowl, (don’t act like you do it straight after every child has done a poo) I certainly don’t, I have 3 kids! The amount of pooping going on in my house is crazy. I’m constantly knee-deep in poop. The toilet brush comes after bed time. Simple.
I’m constantly hovering but with guests you have to Hoover and mop and clean the bathroom spotless, but this time; pay more attention to that brown streak that just appeared on my pearl white walls after amzah pooped. Oh yes!! He went there…
So no..I don’t want to clean up because your coming, nor do I want you saying…. “It’s fine, you have 3 kids. What do you expect?”
This is after I’ve apologised for the mess, after I secretly just spent the past 2 hours frantically cleaning. Like the cheek! Clearly my efforts have gone unnoticed.
2. I don’t want to give a house tour nor do I want you entering rooms I never put you in.
Now I have a thing about guest wanting house tours…. when you arrived, I walked you to the living room… not the kitchen, not the dining room and certainly not my bedroom. So if that’s where I placed you that’s where I expect you to stay when you come, with the bathroom as an exception. I’m not the house tour type of host, so it’s quite unlikely that I’m going to show you anything, and if I do then I’m sleep deprived and high on speed!
3. There’s always and aroma of sh*t
Like I said, my kids poo and fart a lot! Now we all know this is natural but I don’t necessarily feel comfortable when Amal brings his potty into the middle of the living room and takes the biggest most gut wrenching poop whilst I’m mid conversation with my friend and then he wants applause. To be honest it actually makes me feel awkward. Then I have to wipe him, dispose of it and start frantically opening windows, all whist maintaining a conversation and pretending the living room don’t stink!
4. Offering food and drink
I’m a mum on a budget, I’m not broke nor do I intend to be due to having visitors around. When I buy snacks and drinks I have a rule… open one at a time.. so yes there is always variety in my house but trust me…if the Robinson is open don’t be eyeballing my Ribena or my orange juice… I didn’t offer that to you…Oh and finally. Don’t waste what I have given you. If I pour you a drink…bloody drink it! Don’t waste my drinks or you might find I offer you tap water next time. Some will say it’s not that deep… I feel different… that Ribena cost me £3.75 you have just wasted about 40p. 40p worth of Ribena I could have drank. (I love Ribena)
5. Guest Status
All visitors have a status in my house.. it’s called being a Guest which means you are waited on so I’d find it bloody cheeky if one of my guests went in my kitchen and had a rummage through my fridge or cupboards without out my permission, which I would never give! I wouldn’t even let my own mother do it. Seriously.
Soo, those are my reasons why I don’t have visitors often, because I’m fussy and a terrible host. Anyone who knows me knows I meet for lunches and dinners in cafes and restaurants; even with the kids. Every once in a while I send out invitations to my home but it’s very rare as I find hosting to be overwhelming and exhausting and to be honest I don’t want to offend you by my rules and regulations.
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-Leah and The Rosebuds.