Sorry it’s been a while, I’ve been having a roller coaster few weeks juggling mummy duties and working! Will be uploading more about the Rosebud kids and a general life update soon. Anyway….
Last week i had a very interesting discussion with some female friends about their expectation in a relationship and i brought up my thoughts on how a single mindset may inpact your actions and expectations in a relationship. Lately marriage has been on my mind. I’m moving closer to 30 and seeing old school friends getting married has really got me thinking…
Wtf. Am I doing with my life? Is marriage actually for me? Am I a good enough woman to become someone’s “rib“?
Anyway back to the point. I won’t say I’m a weak woman who gave up the milk bla bla bla…but I will say I was a hurt woman who prefered the love and security of children vs the love and commitment from a man, I mean, im sure i’m not the only one to experience “good guys, gone bad”
” Some, Middle aged women who have focused on their careers and then chose to have children later on in life find methods to fulfill their desire to be a mother without the need of a relationship”
I decided to have the rest of my kids with someone I knew would be an amazing father and left our relationship Pending…why? Because we were always potentials to each other anyway, we pursued our individual goals and aspirations, became best friends and loved the person we had become.
We loved each other but didn’t want to be fooled into some false idealistic relationship that we put all our love, hope and dreams into to have it ripped away by some unexpected or devastating reason…we are two very young and imperfect people, in an imperfect world. We had our share of heartbreak….
We had kids, we’re amazing parents! We’re fantastic parents. We’re just not married soo…..
In the eyes of the law! My ass is still SINGLE
I do believe In being loyal even if your with someone and unmarried but..and sorry to get all religious on you all but for me it’s not sacred and solidified until you have made that commitment with each other and God. (Says the chick popping out babies since 07 and ain’t ever been a wife) Believe me, if I had it my way and had any control over the situation I would have been married a long time ago, but there came a period in my life where I just lost the faith in men and put my desire for being a mother and learning to love myself above searching for a husband. In all honesty I’m glad I have waited because I am not the woman I was 5-6 years ago, my mindset was very different.
But now that I have had my children, got some stability in my life and feel I’m a pretty put together woman. I mean heck I’m much more mentally stable now, I’ve stopped rocking in my chair and growling at men! 😂
Even when men look at me I don’t just smile, I smeyes (smile w/eyes) do you know how hard that is?! For real I reckon I’m a goddam bombshell and a great catch now 👊
So, I’m getting the marriage itch, I won’t lie! Im getting closer and closer to 30 and the thought of getting married any later on in life bothers me. I never thought I would feel this way especially with my mindset, thoughts and actions regarding procreation prior to marriage. But I guess deep down I’m an old romantic who just wants to be worth making that commitment to. And Lord I don’t wanna be a sinner any more I know I can’t lie a wear a white dress but I need some “holy matromony” all up in this life!
So what does being “single” in a relationship mean to Asahela?
- Anything you own is YOURS
- Anything I own is MINE
- If we do business together your a business partner, this is not a family business we are collegues! There will be contracts and official salaries. You aint leaving me for Becky and taking our business money too because your sour.
- If we buy property together who ever fronts up majority if the cost owns that percentage when we sell. So… if I pay 70% and you pay 30% then the house sells for a million and we paid 500k you will get 30% of the million and I will take the rest. Why? Because we ain’t married you get what you put in mate. No 50/50 here. Visa/Versa I’m not sour or stupid I would only expect a return of what I cotributed and be happy I’m leaving with more then I originally started with.
- I expect loyalty! No sleeping around just leave if your not happy. Vs. If we’re married I expect loyalty, no sleeping around! but if your not happy let’s talk this shit out, let’s go marriage councilling. Let’s work on this and try to fix it. I’m yours your mine…your not leaving without us trying to work through it, we made vows!
- Your a potential but if you don’t want to get married one day and we want different things don’t be hurt when I walk away. It is selfish to expect someone to change their aspirations and desires for another. You can’t force a man to marry you and you can’t expect a woman to give up on getting married because you don’t want to. Just leave! Give Mr Right the oppertunity to find her and give her the life they both dream of.
- If I’m not carrying your name, I’m not your Mrs! Not your Wife. Matter of fact Im nothing but the girl your having relations with. I don’t have a ring to blind the dudes with when they approach me thinking I’m single. I’m just a shiny new toy for another man to pursue and yes… some men out there pursue a good unmarried woman in a relationship (as wrong as this may be) because they see her potential and hold no respect for a man who could have such an amazing woman and not want to secure her love for ever. Or he may be a friend, seeing her getting hurt in this dead end relationship, has loved her for years and always on her side because he agrees with everything she believes. This dude Is waiting for you to leave so he can swoop right in. All of a sudden your reading on facebook she married her “BFF Tom” and a year later and their expecting 👪 and your ass is sour thinking all that time you thought the dude was gay! Lmao 😂 sorry but it does happen!
- Your a potential, your on probation, this is a trial. So am I, we give it our best shot. Treat eachother with love and respect but it’s important to still have some independence, aim to remain who you have always been, setting personal and individual goals that don’t involve your spouse. Have a back up plan for your future (just incase)..A relationship breakup can be soo devastating, depending on how serious and it can almost feel like a death, a loss of future, a loss of dreams, plans and aspirations. A loss of yourself….keeping that small degree of independence may just give you the confidence to keep trodding on no matter what until “Mr Right” comes along.
Anyone who follows my blog knows I am known for being brutally honest about my feelings. I have a tendency to say what I think as opposed to just thinking it.. that’s what makes me….me. I don’t want you to think I don’t believe in unmarried relationships because I do (to start with, not everyone aspires for marriage and that’s ok 👍) I mean it would be quite concerning if everyone met and married the next day. Finding The One takes time, and can be a “work in progress” i just don’t think anyone should spend too much time with The Wrong One and in the mind of Asahela, I have a single person mindset in a relationship until I’m married. Not all marriages are sucessful or perfect and I know this.
The grass may not be greener on the other side but if i ever make it to being a wife at least I could look back and say “I made it, I took my time, I put myself first, I grew as a person and a mother, I remained independent and found beauty and power in my own achievements and now I’m open and ready to give and accept unconditional love.”
I hope you enjoyed this post, what are your expectations as a girlfriend vs a wife/husband vs boyfriend?
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Until Next Time